Dont u Doubt them

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Silbermans Paradox: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

The Extended Murphys Law: If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.

Gattusos Extension of Murphys Law: Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.

Knaggs Derivative of Murphys Law: The more complicated and grandiose the plan, the greater the chance of a screw-up.

Ouzmans Opinion: The higher up the organization, the fewer people appreciate Murphy's Law.

Evans and Bjorns Law: No matter what goes wrong, there is always someone who knew it would.

Benedicts Principle: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

Hellrungs Law: If you wait, it will go away.

Ducharmes Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Boobs Law: You always find something the last place you look.

Maryanns Law: You can always find what you are not looking for.

Runes Law: If you dont care where you are, you aint lost.

Fergussons Precept: A crisis is when you cant say œlets forget the whole thing.

Drazens Law of Restitution: The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage.
Example 1: It takes longer to glue a vase together than to break one.
Example 2: It takes longer to lose ˜X number of pounds than to gain ˜X number of pounds.

Etorres Observation: The other line moves faster.

OBriens Variation on Etorres Observation: If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in

Kentons Corollary: Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry.

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong queue.

If ever you see me standing in a queue at the railway booking office, join the other one; because therell be a chap at the front of mine whos trying to send a rhinoceros to Tokyo.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Photographers Laws:
1. The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed.
2. The other best shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
3. Any surviving best shots are ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all the dark leaks out.

Conways Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Levinsons second law: Insanity is hereditary - you can get it from your children.

Trumans Law: If you cant convince them, confuse them.

Whistlers Law: You never know whos right, but you always know whos in charge.

Thals Law: For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.

Luposchainskys Hurry-Up-And-Wait Principle:
1. If youre early, itll be cancelled
2. If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will have to wait.
3. If you are late, you will be too late.

Gourds Axiom: A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Wetherns Law: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

Dewlaps Law of Physics:
1. Fact is solidified opinion.
2. Facts may weaken under extreme heat and pressure.
3. Truth is elastic.

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If its green or wriggles, its biology.
2. If it stinks, its chemistry.
3. If it doesnt work, its physics.

Velilands Law of Experimentation:
1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.

Thumbs Second Postulate: An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.

Alinskys Rule for Radicals: Those who are most moral are furthest from the problem.

Goods Rule for Dealing with Bureaucracies: When Government bureaucratic remedies do not match your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.

Horngrens Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Glymes Formula for Success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that youve got it made.

Webers Definition: An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Greens Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you dont know what youre talking about.

Burkes Rule: Never create a problem for which you do not have the answer:
Corollary: Create problems for which only you have the answer.

Matzs Maxim: A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Merkins Maxim: When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.

Halgrens Solution: When in trouble, obfuscate.

Hunts Law: Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.

Galls Fifteenth Law of Systemantics: A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

Ockhams Razor: The theories most likely to prove true are those shorn of unnecessary embellishments.

Law of Lifes Highway: If everything is coming your way, youre in the wrong lane.

Professor Blocks Motto: Forgive and remember.

Bocklages Law: He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.

All things being equal, you lose.
All things being in your favour, you still lose.
Win or lose, you lose.

The first bug to hit a clean windscreen lands directly in front of your eyes.

All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

How long a minute is depends on which side of the toilet door you happen to be.

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